Making Your Own Stonewashed Jeans

Stonewashed jeans are the best. The way to make the basic blue jean is a closely-guarded secret. Cotton threads are dyed blue and woven together by supernatural flying animals that are half parakeet half leopard. Leopardkeets. Stonewashed jeans are regular jeans more mysterious counterpart. I believe that to make stone-washed jeans one must fill a large industrial washer with a combination of jeans and small stone-faced children. Once the dryer is turned on the children pound the jeans until they become soft and weathered.

OK… maybe not! I should do probably do some research. I like stonewashed jeans so very much, I have spent hours figuring out how it is done. First, you get some jeans. Jeans, for those that don’t know, are a type of pant made from denim. Denim is a rugged cotton twill textile, in which the weft passes under two or more warp threads. This weaving produces the familiar diagonal ribbing identifiable on the reverse of the fabric, which distinguishes denim from cotton duck. Jeans are often blue because denim itself is traditionally blue, but stonewashed jeans can be any color at all. Stonewashed jeans could be black or if you like showtunes and wine spritzers your jeans can be white.

Best I can tell, jeans are American as apple pie. But the cheapest jeans are made in China and Thailand so save yourself some money and buy your jeans in bulk from the poverty-stricken Asian country of your choice. You might find more info on buying jeans online.

After you get the jeans, they must be stonewashed. The hard part is finding and purchasing a big dryer with a cylindrical drum inside in which you can place the jeans and the stones. In fact, it would probably be more convenient to run jeans over with a car than to fill a dryer with rocks and jeans. How many people have a large dryer to ruin by putting stones in it? In contrast, many many people have a car. But if you ran over your jeans with a car repeatedly would you call them car-washed jeans? I digress.

This super sized stone-washing dryer will set you back about 6 or 7 thousand dollars. But hey – the more expensive the jeans, the cooler right? Once you have the big dryer to put the jeans and stone into, you then must get the stones. You can use pretty much any igneous or volcanic rock you want. Some people use pumice. I prefer to use a mix of corundum and emeralds but I’m quite fancy that way.

Once you place the jeans and the stones inside the dryer. As the cylinder inside the dryer spins, the tumbling stones ride up the paddles inside the drum and fall back down onto the jean fabric. The denim becomes beaten and weathered. Voila, you have Stonewashed jeans and are ready for that Mr. Big concert.

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